Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
