Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
