Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
