I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
