and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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