I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
