im about as happy as oj after his trial
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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