we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
