You can't special order awesome
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
