The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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