If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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