I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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