xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
