fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
