you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
