Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
