why didn't you poke me back
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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