its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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