Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
