Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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