my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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