Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
