My cat gives me a boner
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
