i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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