i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
