i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
