I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
