i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
