It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize