And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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