I think i peed on brittanys purse
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
