I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize