We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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