I looked at my own cervix.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
