I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
