I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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