I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
