he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
