Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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