Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize