my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
