forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
