I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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