Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
