So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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