I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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