So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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