You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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