Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
