I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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