Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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