he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
