I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
