he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
