I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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