a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
