Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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