I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
