She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
