When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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