my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
