you would pick up someone in the library
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
