If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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