Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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