matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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