I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize