Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize