I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize