and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
