shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
