my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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